You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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