can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
she pinky promised me she was 18
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
