so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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