just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
