i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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