I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
