Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
