Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
