i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
