I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
