Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
