One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
