you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
