you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
