I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
