if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
