I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
