Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
