Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
