What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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