yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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