You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
