Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You smell like stripper and shame
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
