I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
