He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
