Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
