You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You ruined the universe
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
