you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
