So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
