Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
