they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
