And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
