My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
