I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
