Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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