I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
