In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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