My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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