when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
