Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
