Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
