I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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