From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
