Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
