I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
