If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
