Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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