And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Randomize
