when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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