Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just forgot I was standing up.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
