Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
