I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
