also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
