there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
