Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
