Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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