I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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