You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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